


Bough

by mimesere



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Child Abuse, Disassociation, Episode Related, Incest, Spoilers for Untouched, i don't even know how to keep tagging this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-24
Updated: 2014-07-24
Packaged: 2018-02-10 05:17:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2012385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mimesere/pseuds/mimesere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's not enough yuck in the world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bough

So it's stupid to be there, surrounded by tweaked out little kids who touch and want to be touched, fuck and want to be fucked, but whatever. Bethany likes the party feel.

She can dance.

Even if she doesn't like the music.

The guy behind her has got his hands on her waist and is pressed up close. Hard. Not a surprise. She bites her lip and tosses her head back onto his shoulder and lets it rest there. Her eyes are closed.

*

New position: head hanging down off the edge of the bed, hair puddling on the dingy brown carpet, and the guy -- Mark, Mike, something generic with an M, or maybe not, it isn't like she really cares -- on top.

It's easier that way.

The tv is on. Discovery.

A grunt. Oh yeah, give it to me, harder faster oh oh.

So easy.

It takes her a minute to figure out the title of the program. Animals of the Serengeti. The lady lions are taking down a zebra, ripping into it, ripping it into shreds.

The sky is on the bottom, bright blue and cloudless. Bethany can see Mark-Mike-Mr. Zebra's reflection in it and she bares her teeth. Mr. Zebra thinks she's enjoying herself.

The headboard rattles hard against the wall. Someone pounds on the other side of the wall and shouts at them to shut the hell up.

On the screen they're doing one of those wide panoramic shots. Showing off the majesty and stark beauty of the place and Bethany imagines that buried in all that tall, waving grass are more dead things. Hunted down and killed and eaten. Scavenged.

Are there rabbits in Africa?

*

Another party. Just a few steps shy of being an actual rave (all that's missing are the cops) but the music is better. Something loud with lots of guitar and drum. It's raw.

Oh, the singer is screaming to go fuck yourself. Naughty. Daddy would have a fit if he knew his precious little girl was listening to such trash.

Bethany's tights are torn. There are wide, gaping holes all along her calves, and there's a tear right behind the bend of her knee. She's all damp from sweat; there are a lot of people packed into a really small space and they're all jumping up and down to the rhythm set by the drums.

They keep touching her.

She fights her way through the crowd. It's suddenly way too hot inside and she needs to be out in the fresh air.

*

It's Bethany's birthday.

She has a big cake with white frosting and yellow flowers on it. There are eight candles. Her presents are lying on the floor by the dining room table.

Bethany herself is upstairs in the attic, clutching a grubby, worn rabbit by the ear. One of its eyes is missing. She doesn't know when it fell off, but the missing eye makes it look like the rabbit is winking at her.

It was a present from her daddy.

Her daddy loves her.

*

She remembers Lilah at her high school. Bethany hadn't really paid any attention during the speech since it was one of those generic stay in school go to college and look what you can be things. The third in the past month, trying to get a higher percentage of kids into higher education.

It was Bethany's junior year. Her applications had been sent off, her SATs taken. Her dad.

She wasn't going anywhere.

Lilah's lipstick was pink and glossy. It did weird things to her mouth but she seemed really interested in Bethany and she gave her a card with Wolfram and Hart written across it in raised black. On the back was an address in Los Angeles and a phone number.

Her perfume was expensive. Her suit was too.

"Look me up," said Lilah and smiled. She had very even white teeth.

*

She's running running running from the bad men who followed her out of the club and she wants to scream but she can't. shhh rabbit. shhh. don't make a sound.

They keep coming after her and she said no, she said she wasn't interested. And they're still behind her and they're running. Game of tag. That's all it is.

Don't you want to play?

One of them had pushed her into a wall hard enough to cut open her forehead and now there's blood creeping along her skin.

It tickles. She doesn't like it why won't it stop don't please please please.

She can't see where she's going. All she knows is she needs to keep running because she doesn't want to be it.

Bethany's foot hits something and she falls forward. The dumpster smacks into her hard enough to knock her breath out for a second but she scrambles back to her feet and it's dead.

No place to hide.

She turns around and they're so close behind her. Bethany puts her hands up and it's not going to stop them, oh God, oh God--

"What are you making us run around for?" He has a knife and he's ugly and she doesn't like him.

\--she can't stop them they're going to hurt her and hurt her she doesn't want to play.

Bethany backs up a little more. The other one is closer and he's ugly too and he smells bad but the first man, the ugly bad one with the knife snarls at him. "Hey! I get it first! Think I want your seconds, you pig?" He turns to her, smiles and says, "Guy's a pig."

She can't get away and they're going to hurt her, take her, they want to play bad boy games and she's not going to play anymore, they can't make her.

Everything freezes and inside her head she hears a tiny snap and she pushes--

empty she's empty and pushing and everything is wonderfully gloriously clear

\--time starts up again and pain flows in, rushes in with a roaring sound like the ocean and there's a second when she feels completely clean.

*

The first time Bethany made things move, she got a nosebleed.

The first time Bethany had sex, she bled lower down.

She didn't bleed again until she was twelve.

*

Once, she had sex in the backseat of a Camaro. They were parked off the main road, in a little clearing of winter-dead trees.

The leather had been cracked and it kept scratching at her back while Anthony pounded away on top of her. He was sweating and it made his long hair stick to his face in black clumps.

There was black hair on his arms and chest and around his dick. His head was thrown back and he groaned and made animal sounds.

The moon shone through the window, where he had cracked it open so the windows wouldn't fog up too much. Their town had strict laws about that kind of thing. In the light, he looked like a big bad wolf.

Some of her hair was wrapped around his fist and he pulled on it with every thrust.

The woods are a dangerous place, she thought. There are hunters in the woods, and they like to hunt wolves.

She heard a series of tiny pops and cracks and then Anthony screaming. He'd let go of her hair.

Bethany found out later that all the bones in his hand had broken cleanly in two.

There are twenty-seven bones in the human hand.

*

Lilah's card is in her pocket.

*

L.A. is supposed to be a new start.

Hah. Some new start. Two guys dead and her friend (her only friend, the only one that noticed her and Lilah deserves better) hurt by her and all Bethany can do is run.

The address on the other card, the one that Angel gave her, is up near the Hollywood hills. There's no way she can walk there dressed in her nightgown and a sweater and shoes. But she's got no money and no choice.

This is what comes of running away.

Angel's card leads her to an old hotel that's seen way better days. The inside isn't much better, but Angel's there and she can't hurt him. Not like she hurt Lilah.

And in a way, it wouldn't really matter, would it?

He's got friends, guy (gay, she thinks, but she's not sure and that makes him unsafe) and a girl. They all look sort of the same. They're all looking at her.

Why won't they stop?

She stumbles and, quick as anything, Angel catches her. Keeps her from falling.

His hands are cold.

He gives her tea and says he'll send clothes up, tells her to meet him in the courtyard and shuts the door quietly behind him. The clothes are nice, the girl's -- Cordelia? Sister or lover or both and Bethany knows that family doesn't have to be that close, but there's something there that she doesn't like -- probably, since there's a lot more room in the chest than Bethany needs.

Out in the air then, and Angel keeps poking and poking and poking. What does it feel like, does she do it on purpose, is she crazy?

She has to remind herself that she chose to come here. He only wants to help. He's safe.

No. No man is.

She cries, "I shouldn't be here!"

And the other one, the skinny snide one, he's there and she doesn't like him. He's too familiar.

He says, "I agree."

He says, "Why doesn't she go back to her friend's and toss the furniture about?"

He gets close, too close, go away. Says, "Or maybe we should send you home to your father."

He knows, he wants to send her back and she's not going to go, fuck him, fuck him, fuck them all.

*

Hide and seek.

Angel's on the stairs. Angel's at the door.

Ollie ollie oxenfree.

*

He's too close. Safe.

There are voices in Angel's room. Oh good. Not asleep.

Bethany climbs out of bed, goes to him. He's dreaming a good dream, something hot and sweaty because, she glances down, yes, because he's erect. A man, like any other.

"Darla?"

Bethany says, "It's just me."

He sits up and she sits down. Too close. He's confused. "What's up...what's...is there trouble?"

She shakes her head. "I just didn't wanna sleep. I heard a voice in here, I thought you were maybe awake." She looks at him. He's not safe like this.

"No. I was having a nightmare."

Because bad dreams so often make one horny. "It looked like a pretty happy dream. Or maybe the covers were just rumpled." He looks surprised and she's suddenly, totally mad. "I figured I'd come in here. It's nicer than my room."

Oh, now he's upset. She feels blank and empty.

"Was there something you wanted to talk about?"

"No, I thought we'd just have fun. You can do stuff to me...and you know, we'll have some fun."

She thinks she could kill him.

*

"Everybody thinks I'm so fragile and innocent. Men love it."

"Do you?"

"Do I love it? Who cares? I'm, I'm like the chambermaid. I just leave. When a guy's on me…I made up the room, I showed him in, and then I leave till he's gone. Come back and clean up the mess."

*

Shopping with Cordelia is sublimely normal. They buy dresses and sweaters and jeans and shoes. Coffee.

Lat-tes.

"Don't bone my boss."

And Bethany's first instinct is to deny it. Don't tell, you can't ever tell. it's just us, i love you so much.

shhh, rabbit.

*

Seventeenth birthday.

Bethany's up in the attic, looking for old clothes she can donate to the drama department. She finds some old floral dresses and a few hats. She thinks they belonged to her paternal grandmother.

In a corner, a dirty old rabbit winks at her.

She's on a bus three hours later. Her suitcase has a few changes of clothes, some cds and a picture of her mother. Her wallet has three hundred dollars, which she withdrew from her father's checking account. Payment for services rendered. A generous tip.

Bethany doesn't know where the bus is going. She just bought a ticket on the first one leaving Ohio.

*

"Hello, Rabbit."

*

Rock-a-bye baby on the tree top

(her father is swinging in mid-air, choking and begging her to stop. she wonders if she ever begged.

she wonders if he ever stopped.)

"It hurts."

Bethany looks at him. "Goodbye."

when the wind blows, the cradle will rock.

He's falling. Falling and falling and screaming and screaming. She's let go of him. He can't touch her anymore.

when the bough breaks, the cradle will fall and down will come baby, cradle and

She catches him a few feet off the ground. Holds him there a moment.

all

He can't touch her anymore.


End file.
